After Nathan died, I wanted to go to his house and get into his room as soon as I could.  We all drove to La Jolla in silence. As we walked towards his house, arm in arm, it was like we were entering sacred ground.   I wanted to touch, see, and smell his clothes. I wanted to lay on his bed. I wanted to get as much of him as I possibly could. I looked and touched everything slowly and carefully as though it was fragile.

One of his very favorite things was a giant map of the world. It hung over his bed. He always loved maps ever since he was a little boy, and he had a big desire to travel the world.

He was on his way to fulfil that dream.

I went to his dresser and grabbed a few things that he would often wear.  One, a hat that says, “Salty – Sink or Swim”

I wore it to his Paddle Out.  Everyone knew that was Nate’s hat.  I loved having something of his with me on this very difficult day.

A couple nights ago, I was getting ready for bed and I looked up on the shelf above my bed, and saw his hat where it always sits, when I am not wearing it.  I focused in for the first time, on what his hat really says, “Sink or Swim” Whoa… I sat motionless.

Nathan sunk

I realize the original meaning of the saying, but this hit me in that moment, as it actually and physically  happened on June 3 around 1:30 p.m.

As I sit in that awareness and sadness, and ponder this seemingly ironic saying…..I  have a choice this day,  to sink or swim.

God’s Word says:

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.   2 Samuel 22:17

I believe