At Bridge of Hope, each summer, we have youth coming to stay and serve for a week at a time.  I learned a few days before they arrived, that the youth group coming from Sonoma CA, had lost a dear friend. He was apart of their youth group, and would of been with them, on this trip to Bridge of Hope. Sadly, he had drowned, while they were all on a service trip in Nicaragua, only four months before.

Devastated, confused, broken hearted, ripped in two, and struggling with their faith; the whole community suffering and in dismay.  He was 17,  full of life and dreams, and about to graduate from High School.  The way they described him to me, he sounded a lot like my Nathan.

It was a shallow water black out, just like what happened to my son.

I wasn’t sure if, how, or when we would connect, but, I was longing to love on these precious ones, and share with them, knowing their despair, pain and suffering.  The last day they were with us, during food distribution, we found ourselves together; myself, their youth leaders, and the precious ones who were with him, the day he was caught up to heaven~ The beautiful and brave ones, who tried with everything they had, to save his life.

I shared about what happened in Agua Verde on June 3rd, 2015.  I told them who my beautiful son was, and is. With tears, I told them how sorry I was that they had to go through this. I shared my struggle, my longings, my sorrow, my wrestling with God, and the light that God has lovingly shown through to me, in my darkest days and nights.

I told them it was not their fault, there is nothing they could of done differently, changed or done better.  I told them the exact words I told Nate’s friends, who tried with everything they had to save him, that they were heroes. They were the ones God had planned and trusted to be there,when he would be taking him home to Heaven.

They were there, when Heaven touched earth.

I pointed to my tattoo and told them the story, of the first time a whole group of butterflies came flying towards me, soon after Nathan died.  That, in that moment, I heard God’s voice tell me that butterflies would be, and continue to be a sign to me; of Nathan, and of Heaven.  I shared how important this sign is for me everyday.  I told them the story of when I went to Agua Verde, Mexico. I shared how I was walking the beach, crying out loud to God for help,”God please give me a sign that Nathan knows I am here, on this beach. I am in Agua Verde!!! Please God I need to feel you here.  I need to know you see me. Can you please let Nathan know I love him, I miss him, I am here on his beach!!!!”  I told him how he answered with the sign of the butterfly appearing, and circling between us, and over his memorial. We all felt and knew right then, that heaven is so near to us. That God is with us!!

I challenged the teens, to pray to our God who sees, and knows what we need, and ask Him to give you something; To give you hope, a word,  a dream, a sign, whatever it is. But to ask Him, and I believe He will give you what you need.

We held onto each other and prayed, tears in our eyes.  After we were done, I started to walk away, and there in the courtyard, was a huge butterfly, swirling around.  It was definitely unusual, for that location, to see a  single, large, beautiful, colorful butterfly.  I walked back to the kids, and the butterfly came too.  He swirled around us, at eye level, so close I could of touched him. He circled and swirled around our faces a few times and flew away.  I took a deep breath, smiled at the butterfly and up to Heaven, “Thank you Papa”

The kids and their leader, broke down crying, knowing their prayers had just been answered. It felt like a weight had been taken off of them.  God spoke to these precious ones in that moment,

” I see you. I am here.”

This experience was so powerful for them. Words could not describe. Their hearts renewed in hope, and in the love and care their Father God has for them.

They don’t have all their questions answered, nor do I. They will continue to have to walk through this painful valley, but God is with them, and I know He will continue to show them that He is.

“If I say, surely the darkness will hide me, and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You” Psalm 139:11-12

The picture above is of a fish bone that is in the shape of the butterfly that was given to me by a dear friend.